Every morning when I first become conscious I hear an inner voice in my head. It is fleeting and brief. It is my inner most self. The messages are always about what someone in my life, myself included, needs and what I can do about it. In other words how “I can turn up the volume to those who matter” to me in concrete ways. Things like, call her she is lonely; daily affection will make a difference; tell her what she means to you. I get an image of the person and a tidbit and then my mind begins to chatter drowning out the wisdom of my essence.
If I am being honest, I often dismiss the voice as weird or where did that come from? Then I got about my day responding to my love ones the way I always do.
Sometimes I act on the advice but I feel a strong resistance before I do. I say to myself, “I know I should do this but… but what? It takes too much effort? It feel uncomfortable. It’s not me. Which is ironic because it was my voice telling me to act.
So why does my outer self get to be the boss? My outer self is overbearing, stuck in her ways, scared to do things differently, guarded, and motivated by what others will think.
She has a strong hold on me. She owns me.
What keeps me from breaking free?
It takes work.
I have to be fully present. She lures me in when I am on autopilot.
Stepping off the worn path might mean I will feel lost.
But when I have had the courage to break away, I most often have a new experience, find a new friend, have a deeper connection, feel better about myself. I find myself in a world where people are doing their best, hungry for connection, acceptance, and love. A world where I am capable of anything, a world where I am enough.
I hope my inner voice continues to visit me first thing in the morning and I choose to indulge her and follow her wisdom.
