Two conflicting articles came my way this morning, both of which I liked, so much so that I quoted a line or two that I wanted to chew on and process. The first quote is by Pico lyer who said, “My definition is happiness is absolute absorption-when we completely forget the time and lose ourselves: when we’re in love with somebody, when we’re at a concert, when we’re in a moment of wonder. Those are the times when we’re happiest; when we’re least thinking of ourselves.” After reading the last sentence, I was nodding my head and thinking YES, that is so true. Ruminating is how I torture myself; biking is how I liberate myself. If only I had a switch to turn my brain off so I could live in the present moment. It’s such a conundrum though, I love using my mind to solve problems, create, and reflect but I haven’t quite figured out how not to let my mind use me to cause me to fear, doubt, and imagine ways I could die.
The second quote was from Jonathan Fields who posed the question in his Wake Up Call #41: What are you feeling the urge to leave behind right now? I have been wrestling with this question since I retired two years ago. I have felt the urge to purge possessions that no longer serve me, that no longer have meaning for me, that I have buried away and died from my memory. I have also had the urge to leave behind sugar and processed foods and spend too much time on my phone and injuries that are lingering. I have been desperately trying to shed myself of the need to achieve and please. Fields challenges his reader to “explore the circumstance. Really look at it. Look at what is happening, who is participating, and what, if any, your contribution might be.” My first reaction : I have outgrown those things; I am ready to move on. But he purposely challenges his readers to really look at it because, as we all know, there is usually more behind an urge than we are willing to admit. So I thought specifically about my contribution to the things I want to leave behind. An abundance of things, sugar, scrolling, injuries, achieving and pleasing…I looked for commonalities: Obsessions? Addictions? Those didn’t ring true. They are all coping mechanisms or substitutes for gaps in my life. Sweets have always represented emotional comfort; scrolling temporarily makes me feel connected, excessive physical activity has been an outlet for my stress and my need to constantly achieve and please has made me feel worthy and loved. Leaving these behind won’t instantly mean that I will no longer have gaps. I will most likely develop other coping mechanisms. As Fields says, “Our patterns follow us, until we unfollow them.” Rather than focusing on leaving these things behind, I think I would be better off finding ways to directly fill my gaps. Stare my unhappiness in the face.
Which brings me full circle. Both ideas about happiness are true: Forgetting oneself and living in the moment and looking closely at what we want to rid ourselves of so we can be happy. Can both exist in our lives? Does it have to be one or the other?
I am going to work on balancing living in the present moment and directly addressing feelings of inadequacy when they show up. How? I am not sure yet.
What do you think?
